GF and I had an awesome conversation yeseterday about all those cool topics like gender identity that interest me so. One thing that came to mind. Who decides who gets what labels, and what are the true qualifications for then? Also, is there a difference between “in theory” and “in practice?”
The seeds for this thought-train were planted a while back, there was a rather heated arguments in the comments of one of the articles on manboobz (I forgot which one) about what the operational definition of “queer” really was, and who has the right to dictate it. While the more…territorial arguments were a stark minority (in fact, none of the LGBT people I know had placed nearly that much importance on such a label), it showed me clear as day that to at least some within said groups, the label means a lot more then one would think it does.
Before I go on I should point something out. Over the last 2 years I’ve been trying to answer some questions I’ve had about myself now that there is finally a good direction for me to look to. After a lot of introspection I’ve come to the conclusion that I am probably agendered. However, the particularly way it has manifested has left me somewhat blessed. I’ve never felt like a man or a woman. In fact, either of those experiences are utterly enigmatic to me. I feel like if it were possible, I could slip into a female body and live my life after an adjustment period. In fact, I have dreams where I am a woman. I also feel completely fine in the (male) body I have. I have no attachment or telling of what gender I “really” am, but I have no sense of dysphoria telling me what I’m not either (beyond small bouts in my teen years). Maybe that’s the reason it’s so hard for me to believe gender to be innate, because I am in a position where anything “innate” about it beyond which sex organs I am initially assigned and how puberty manifests is ultimately alien to me.
With that said though, because of the fact that I am blessed with no dysphoria and “identity flexibility”, do I have the right to call myself trans? What does that really mean. Etymologically, trans is simply the opposite of cis. In a more granular, sliding scale system, it could be interpreted as the absence of the default. However, is that really enough to dictate that I should be such? Do I even have the right to do that? Apart from certain minor bits and quibbles growing up (particularly in my teen years), I can’t claim anything resembling the oppression “real” trans folk face. Would claiming I am “one of them” imply that I share their suffering, the pain of knowing that I am in the incorrect body configuration? Would claiming I am trans imply that I understand and have experienced things I haven’t? If under my immense privilege I make such a claim, I may as well be slapping all the people who have “truly” experienced what it is to be transgender in their faces. It would belittle and marginalize their experience to even remotely equate it with my own.
Upon contemplating this conundrum, it lead me to wonder. Is there a difference between implicit and explicit definitions for such groups and labels? Going by the example earlier, the technical definition of trans as I understand it is just “that which is not in default configuration.” Using that definition, that prefix could be applied to most of my life (and I like it that way). However, having been to LGBT support groups (these particular groups allow allies, and I knew at least one person in them well whom would vouch for me if there were any problems), I find that things in practice are a bit different then “in theory.”
I think the reasons for the differences between theory and practice are twofold. The first would be assumption of a shared experience. When I read that debate over what it meant to be “queer”, the person most adamantly protesting that asexuals can’t be considered such said that the oppression they face is too different. To claim the label doesn’t simply mean “alternative sexuality,” it presumes a shared history of oppression. His was a minority opinion, but it made a clear statement to me. To some people, the implicit meaning and history of these labels are important. To some, it denotes a shared experience. Even those who don’t feel that strongly about labels might feel that way on a subconscious level, particularly if their experience in finding this identity was through the sense of community such similar experiences provided for them.
The other reason for the differences between theory and practice is what I call “over-expression for the sake of validation.” In many communities, particularly ones where people who were lost and alone are finding their identity in, many people try to become what the community implicitly (or in some cases, such as radfem or evangelical Christianity, explicitly) believes they should be. Not just for themselves either, but out of a sense of duty to everyone else who has helped them, and to those who might come later as an example of how to claim and own your identity (which is ironic, since IMO, it claimed and owned THEM).
A good example of this in action would be an incident I was involved in a few years back. This girl, let’s call her “Crystal Wings” (obviously not her real name), is an out and proud lesbian and a very vocal feminist. When I met her, I was still in the earlier phases of unlearning my assumptions about what being a feminist means (my initial encounters were with radfem, and I hadn’t seen anything to show me otherwise until a bit before then). She was fun to talk to, and we had several discussions on feminist theory.
At a gathering at a mutual friends house, Crystal got a few drinks in her. After this happened she did what I would have never expected her to do. She hit on me. When I told her my surprise that she would even notice me like that, she told me “just because I am a lesbian doesn’t mean I don’t feel ANY attraction to men.” It was an interesting eye opener to say the least. A few days later we spoke again and she told me that “normally I am very gay” (or something along those lines). Simply put, in her sobriety, she doesn’t feel attraction toward men. I spoke with a mutual friend of mine (whose apartment this incident took place at) who used to date her. She told me that Crystal often projects herself as “THE lesbian, THE feminist, the ultimate example of someone who is on the lookout for women (in more then one sense of the phrase).” She told me that when Crystal gets drunk, things that her projected identity won’t “allow” her to be seep through. I find it ironic that the person who taught me such an important (IMO) lesson doesn’t allow herself to believe it even though she knows deep down it’s true.
After I had come to know this, I started seeing it happen in other people. This incident happened when I was still hanging around my evangelical friends (although they never knew this had happened). When I hear them talking about salvific experiences and being remade and reshaped through the will of god, I realized it is the exact same thing happening here. The only difference was that in the evangelicals, it was by design. People had come to the evangelicals, found a sense of friendship, community (“family” as it were), identity, and guidance in a time that people seem to be searching for such. Coincidentally, this is what the feminist and LGBT student groups provided (or at least tried to provide) their members as well.
Don’t misunderstand, I’m not complaining about that sense of community and, to borrow the evangelical term, “fellowship” these identities provide people. In some cases people like their new identity that they were “given.” In some cases, it IS who they really are. There is a definite upside to this too. However, it does lead to an implicit narrowing of deifnition of what it means to be _____, even though this is exactly the kind of group that knows what it’s like to be excluded for not being “normal.”
Also, on a personal note, I’m not mad at all about the whole quandary about the trans label as it relates to my personal situation. While I can’t in good faith claim to be cis, I honestly don’t care if people see me as trans or not. While it makes me…reluctant to talk about it in fear of accidentally stepping on the toes of people I care about, what label applies to me isn’t something I really care about. It just helped bring about the thoughts I had and provided a clear example of what I am talking about.
That was fun. Two big blocks of text in a weekend. I wanted to write something about Valentines day too but I’ll hold off on that one. At some point I need to return to reality and work on my project again.
DDDD. I hung out with my Erasmus ‘buddy’ Randi (it was her birthday) that night. It was generally fun. However, there was a…incident when we headed out (I don’t want to go into what it was for personal reasons). However, honestly, with the way my week has been going, it might have been a blessing in disguise (I have…some evidence to support this).
